Death...

It is very hard for others to imagine the pain and worry that Police Wives and families of police officers go through when there is a death within our police family. Even though we don't work at the police department we feel it...Today my husband and I went to the police department to lay flowers on Sgt. Mickey Hutchens patrol car. The feeling of sadness was overwhelming. As I laid my hand on Mickey's car, I begin to pray for Mickey, his family and my police family. The tears started flowing from my eyes, the feeling was almost unbearable. I talked to Mickey and told him what a hero he is. I told him, "You made the ultimate sacrifice, thank you. You are in a better place now. Away from this cruel world." I asked him, "Will you please be our angel and watch over these officers?" I know he heard me, I felt so warm inside...I know he answered, "Of course".
Mickey probably wouldn't have wanted us to make such a big deal out of him. He was not the type that enjoyed attention at work. But I am sure he is touched by how we are all coming together as one department, comforting one another and remembering him.
I think I am safe to say that the emotions we feel as police wives are the same as the officer's. That being said, our husbands will never understand how we feel, what we are thinking, the sadness we are experiencing. We feel for the officer's family and for our police family. But most of all, we are scared to death. The "what ifs" start taking over our minds. What if this was my husband? What if he was there instead of the other officer/officers? When he walks out the door tonight will that be the last time I will ever see him alive? Could our family go on without him? How would we go on? Of course, we could never feel the same way that the slain officer's family feels. No one could, unless they have experienced it themselves. The only thing we can do is pray and be a shoulder to lean on.
This is particularly hard on our husbands because police officers are used to being in control and fixing every situation they run into. However, this situation can not be controlled or fixed by them. They have to let go...and put it in God's hands.
I ask you to please pray that God will give us strength. That our husbands will go on, and continue to "do the job" but never forget Mickey and what he did. Please pray that our community will realize and respect what our husbands do for them; how they put their lives on the line everyday...for THEIR lives, not matter if they are a good person or a thug, they save their lives just the same. Pray that God will give police wives the strength to stand behind our husbands...patiently. Cry for them when they are crying, feel the pain that they feel, be scared for them when they are scared and be brave when they are brave. Please pray that God will comfort us when we are scared while our husbands are working. Most of all, please pray for all of us in general at this difficult time. We will all need it.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13